Where Now - What Next?

40 years of marriage and I have nothing more to give - what next?  I am watched closely, she does NOT know I dress and would not approve, , has used sarcasm and belittlement to the point there is no love there.  Although I do have ED, there has been no affection or intimacy for about 15 years and I dearly wish I could find some somewhere.  I long to hold and be held by a warm, soft, female-type body, especially if they had something extra.  I'm about to start therapy at the VA so I can talk some of these things out and try to straighten out some of my thinking.  I may have to find a furnished room to rent for 1-3 months around May 1 to get away from any influence and interference and try to find myself.  If you know of place, let me know.  I'm at:  laree599@yahoo.com.    Would also really like to dress and go out shopping with others for some clothes but I have no place to hide but the one outfit I have so can't realy buy any more.  Would really be nice to be free to meet and be with others but haven't been able to meet others either.  Maybe because I'm not free enough or maybe because I'm too old.  Thanks for letting me share my pitty story.  It helps to get some of this out.  I have noone I can talk to so that's why therapy might help.   The best to all of you.  Any words of support are appreciated.     laurie in Burnsville, MN